i can't explain,


in life,
there are uncountable what ifs.

like,
what if i had studied really hard in p6?
what score would i get then?
which school will i go?

or,
what if i had studied a little harder for my 'o's?
will i get that perfect score?
and go to that somewhat-perfect school?

then again,
what if i really went to that somewhat-perfect school?
or that somewhat-cheena school?
or that somewhat-bitchy school?
or that somewhat-rich school?
will i enjoy my stay there?
or would i regret my choice?

heck.
what if i had studied like mad for my prelims?
would i even have come mj in the first place?

hey,
what if fengshan and ping yi never merged?
will i get to be in the same class as him?
and be friends, instead of mere strangers?
but if fengshan and ping yi never merged,
i would never get to know
martin.
dang shi.
sue.
jenny.
diana.
salwa,
to name a few.

you know,
what if i never turned up for that party?
what if she is in mj, he is in mj and they are in mj?
and what if he is not in mj, she is not in mj and they are not in mj?
what if i had ponned maths lecture on that day?
what if we had ponned maths lecture on that day?

what if she didnt exist?
what if he didnt exist?
what if they didnt exist?
what if i didnt exist?

maybe one day,
when i go heaven,
i will sit on Jesus' lap,
and ask Him to answer all these questions.


what you can't explain.