now faith is being sure of what we hope for,


HA.

its been a long long long time since i last ranted like a mad woman on this blog. then again, its been a long long long time since i last ranted like a mad woman on, uh, anywhere.

i still remember the good old days, the days where i would talk back at sun beh beh and any member of the mighty gang who dares to step on my toes. or the good old days when i would stand up for what i think is right and shoot down what i think is wrong. or even the good old days where my every single sentence is dripped with scarsm. i also remember the good old days where i would not even bother to think twice before writing down what i really feel about certain people and certain stuff. but, those were a long long long time ago.

my devil-may-care attitude has somehow died a certain, silent death. i dont know why and i dont know when. i miss it. and i want it back. because i think i need it. maybe not now, but certainly in the future.

today's meeting makes me ponder. it makes me ponder a lot. too much even.

if there's one thing i cant stand, it is to be accused of something which i did not do. if there has to be another thing i cant stand, it has to be people doubting my committment, my effort.

there's a conversation that happened between me and a big bully a few months ago.

me: asshole.
big bully: say people, say yourself.
me: at least i have an ass. and a hole. you leh?
big bully: i also got what.
me: show me la.
big bully: (silence)

this conversation gives me hope. hope that, you know, hope that one day, you know, i will have that devil-may-care attitude again. that my tongue will somehow sharpen itself again. that everything would be back to once it was again. as i've said, i need it. if not for anything, to protect myself.

after today, i realise the school is a scary place to live in. people who treat you nicely, talk with you, laugh with you might actually just turn around in the next second to stab you in the back. or worse, he/she dont even turn around. they just stab you in the front. one, two, and you're dead.

trust no one, sweetheart. no one. except a few good men. and women. X)

anyway, i think i'm getting a new blog. my entries are getting more, i donno, personal. i need some privacy.


and certain of what we do not see.