1.4.05

no you don't know what it's like,


fuck the band.

in case the fucking band didnt notice, MY CHINESE 'O' LEVEL IS ON 30TH MAY. and for those who cant count, that's ONE MONTH AND 29 DAYS AWAY. and hohoho, what is the band doing? taking away my precious time for revising my fucking chinese.

look ng, if i'm a fucking conductor like you are, i would spend my whole fucking life in band too 'cause that's where i earn my fucking wages. but, thank heavens, I AM NOT A FUCKING CONDUCTOR LIKE YOU ARE. i'm not even a fucking musician so as to speak. i'm a fucking student and my job is to study and get that fucking (much hoped for) distinction for my fucking chinese. so dont go on and on about how fucking important that fucking syf is. i dont give a fuck, yeah?

and stop fucking contradicting yourself. you decide what you want to fucking do and STICK WITH IT. dont one minute go, "play soft, the flutes cannot be heard" and the next, "MF BELONGS TO THE F FAMILY. PLAY LOUD!"

and in case you didnt fucking realise it, it is a FUCKING FIVE-DAY WEEK. be grateful that i'm already willing to sacrifice my fucking saturday for you instead of, "I WANT YOU TO BE READY BY 7.30AM AND NOT MOVE YOUR ARSE AT 7.30AM." fuck it okay? i have a fucking life to attend to instead of come to this fucking band. and i can move my fucking arse ANY fucking time i want. i'm not a fucking paralysed kid.

and, you know what i cant stand the most? people defending band, defending that ng and that turn one round and then punish the people who are in charge of the band. havent you heard of AI WU JI WU? you love that fucking band, love those people in it. AND THAT INCLUDES THE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PERSON. lets make it clearer: and that includes a) shikin, b) sanjoy and c) darren. so what makes you think you have the fucking right to pump them? you know what? you should be so fucking glad that i'm not there that day. or you will be so damn fucking dead. and oh, your fucking enthusiasm for band is just so fucking irritating and fake. -snorts.

*** i really dont care if i sound so damn fucking explicit, ill-mannered, uncouth, crude, whatever. thats the kind of thought that goes through my head whenever i'm in a fucked-up mood. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.


when nothing feels alright.

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