gonna make you fall,


A stranger staggered up to the priest with the day's newspaper in his hand. "Father, Father, please tell me, what causes arthritis?"

The priest could smell liquor on the man's breath, and so ignored him.

But the man pestered the priest. "Father, Father, please tell me, what causes arthritis?"

To get rid of him, the priest said, "Drinking causes arthritis! Gambling causes arthritis! Fooling around with women causes arthritis!"

Suddenly the stranger turned pale. "What's wrong?" the priest asked.

Showing the priest the newspaper, he said, "It says here that the Pope has arthritis."

******

Adapted from "Make Them Laugh, Help Them Learn" by David W.F. Wong.


If you didnt find the above joke funny, then I'm sorry, but you're one of those who can only understand lame jokes. Which basically means, you have no freakin' right to roll your eyes at any well "lame" jokes told by anyone, anytime. Thank you.


gonna sock it to you.

she's just a loner with the sexy attitude.


look people, i am okay being alone.

no, wait.

i'm more than okay.

more than fine.

in fact, i like being alone.

i embrace aloneness.

i can daydream when i'm alone.

i can listen to whatever that is playing in my shuffle without interruptions when i'm alone.

he talks to me when i'm alone.

the only thing that suck about aloneness is that i have to look constantly preoccupied.

if not, people give me strange looks.

and they're probably going, 'poor little girl. all alone.' in their brains without stopping for a moment to think, "HEY. maybe she likes to be alone."

now, dont be mistaken. i dont detest being with people. i'm okay being with people. i like being with people. sometimes. just like i like being alone. sometimes. okay, more than sometimes. but, you get my point.

and another thing? i aint the sort of person who goes around telling every single soul i know about my life. in fact, i dont tell people about my life. the only people who really knows about my life are 1) God. 2) me & 3) my diary. so, can people just think twice before running to one of my friends asking, "is she blah blah blah." and then my good-hearted friend will come running to me, asking "what happened?" and i hate that because, as i've said, i aint the sort of person who goes around telling every single soul about my life.

anyway, tagboard is gone. people who read doesnt want to tag. whats the point?


and i'd like to phone her 'cause she puts me in the mood.

you're just a little boy,


I HATE FERNANDO ALONSO.

cocky little asshole.

you won at germany because kimi raikkonen was unlucky.

you won at france also because kimi was unlucky.

you won at european also also because kimi was unlucky.

kimi won at canada because YOU were unlucky.

and what did kimi say on that ONE occasion? he said he was lucky to win. yep. lucky. because i think he knew that if you havent crash out, he would not have won.

and what did you say on those 3 (okay, fine. lets leave france out since kimi never led at all. so, TWO) occasions? oh, i did well. blah blah blah. all about you. never even stop and bother to think how damn lucky you are. kimi crashed out at european at the very last lap. and all you can say is, "i did well." self-centered ass.

and now, at germany. "it was a fantastic day. after the retirement of kimi, well, it was boring. i had such a big lead. obviously, mclaren are quicker that us, but a race is 70 laps. not 30 laps." how's that for cocky, huh? really, have you ever stopped and wondered, what will happened had kimi not have that stupid mechanical fault? you will be surrounded by two mclarens on that podium, you ass. juan pablo montoya went from 19 to 2. he raced the full 70 laps. why dont you praise mclaren for that? hucking fell.

you may be the championship winner at the end of this season, but if your attitude continues to be that way, you wont be a popular one. have some humility in you, damnit.

and dear lady luck, i dont know what you have against kimi raikkonen. maybe he dumped you for his wife or something. whatever it is, you have deprieved him of enough luck. time to deprieve someone else. fernando alonso will be a very good choice.


all you do is annoy.

i must be crazy,


i miss my fengshan.

i MISS MISS MISS my fengshan.

and whenever i passed by bendemeer primary school on my way to the bus 23 bus-stop, i would go, "fengshan had a field like that."

fengshan used to have a super huge field. it was the size of two primary schools. it was so huge that 4 rounds around (about) half of the field meant that your 1.6km was done. there was a huge tree at the front of the field as well. yvonne & i used to pretend that it was our home. that was way back in p1. how time flies.

now, that big field of ours is reduced to half the size. it now belongs to some ulu ulu school (actually, i think it belongs to quite a famous school. but i forgot the school name). and what the new fengshanians have is a small little plot of land that is somehow always locked. well, it was when i was in there.

and fengshan used to have basketball courts with the baskets situated so high (to us kids) that its nearly impossible for us to play basketball. the new courts at the new school though have baskets that are pretty low. not low enough for me though. its sad. and hard to believe that i was actually to first to score a basket during our p4 basketball lesson. hey, it was a pretty big achievement (considering that i wasnt even 1.3m then), so obviously i remembered.

AND we used to hold mass p.e in our canteen. our mass p.e basically means dancing to the beats of *nsync's bye bye bye. it was pretty cool, come to think of it. too bad we were too uh, shy then to do it.

-SIGH.

the little little container boxes-like at the bottom of our block reminds me of the modular classrooms we had at fengshan. we would play play play and go inside the aircon room all sweaty and, well, smelly. we only stopped doing that when our lovely form teacher told us that we would get sick. if someone was to tell me the exact same thing now, i would play even more. being sick rocks. even only if it meant getting out of school.


okay okay. look forward. look forward.


which brings me to recess route thing.

really, whats wrong with the freaking school?

its RECESS for goodness sake. for chrissake. for my sake. for GOD's sake!


and i've just realised (actually, on tue) that HOHOHO, there are actually THREE other buses besides 26 to take me to the 23 stop. thank you for making that remark to me.


peter crouch is coming to liverpool. big freaking deal. anthony le tallec is doing (i think) quite well in pre-season. thats ALL it matters. my rosy-cheeked soccer boy, please dont leave liverpool for france again. i have no interest in french football.


patrick viera left for juventus (i think. right?). kind of sad actually. i like him. only because he was so funny in that fa cup final against manchester united. he actually forgot his penalty was the winner okay. OKAY. thank goodness it only took a split second for him to realise it.


lance armstrong doesnt seemed to be as strong as last year. have confidence that he will clinch a seventh victory though.


and phelps aint swimming 400IM in the world championships this year. sad. i like watching his 400IM. he's a freak at that. if i remembered correctly that is. it could be the 200IM that he's freaky at of course. ah, heck. he's a freak at all the IMs. anyway, i think he dyed his hair black or something. or maybe its just the athens' sun. whatever it is, he looks different from athens. different in a bad way.


is ian thorpe competing?


israel should not withdraw from whichever part they're planning to withdraw (gaza, i think).


lleyton hewitt got married, i think. HA. his girl must be blind. then again, she's pretty ugly herself. i pity their future child (due later this year).


i think i'm crapping.

maybe i should stop.

-sigh.


is there anybody out there who thinks that michelle wie looks like a freak? she's FIFTEEN and yet, she looks more like a 25 year old. -shudders.


i'm still crapping.


fine, maybe i should stop.


did i mention that i got mcfly's cd? -beams.

i think i shall go back to cd buying. its kind of lovely.

-slaps forehead.

what am i thinking?

its 20 bucks per cd, okay.

TWENTY.

10 packets of chicken rice.

about TWENTY popdohs!

i must be crazy.


i love sweden.


i wish that kimi raikkonen would not blow his engine again.


i think i might emigrate to sweden when i grow up.

or finland.

or denmark.

or norway.

or switzerland.

or uk.

or australia.

i'm such a bad singaporean.

prime example of how lousy national education is.

gee, i hope the pm dont read this.

well, if he is, then,

who cares?


i should really stop right now.

i've geography to study for.

environmental stuff.

not exactly my kind of stuff.

the world is going to be destroyed, sooner or later.

why bother?


ah, yes. i remembered what i really wanted to blog about.

my essay.

'A very poor woman had an invitation to go to a party given by a rich friend of hers. At first she thought she couldn't accept the invitation because she had nothing to wear and no jewellery. But then she thought, "Oh why not! This is the only party I'll go to this year. Maybe it's the only party I'll ever go to."

So she made herself a dress from some cloth that somebody gave her. She also borrowed a beautiful necklace from her rich friend. The necklace was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. At the party she felt rich and beautiful and entirely lifted out of her usual poor, drab world. She laughed, she drank, she danced, she talked, she sparkled and she laughed again.

She was still laughing when she got home, walking on air. She put her hand to touch the beautiful necklace and her face froze. The laughter died in her throat. The necklace was gone.

Panicking, she felt about her dress, thinking that maybe, just maybe, the necklace's clasp had somehow loosened and the necklace had slipped into the dress. The effort proved futile. The necklace was not with her. Panic turned into despair as the fact dawned upon her. There was only one thought on her mind - how is she going to be able to pay back her friend?

The next morning, she summoned up her courage, picked up the phone and dialled her friend's number. A dial tone answered her. Slapping her forehead, she muttered to herself, "Silly me. The bills had not been paid, remember?"

Having no other alternative, she made a trip down to her friend's house. The house which only seemed so warm and welcoming the night before now seemed so forbidding and cold. Taking a moment to soothe her nerves, she pressed the doorbell.

After what seemed like eternity, the door opened and her friend appeared in the doorway, smiling pleasantly, "What a pleasure to see you!" her friend gushed, "What are you doing here? Do come in..."

"I... I lost your necklace... I'm sorry Christine," she said, all in a rush.

Christine's face darkened. Her eyes flashing, she said coldly, "Lost? You meant you stole it."

She started to protest but Christine continued without skipping a beat, "Be prepared to get a visit from the police, Joan." The door slammed without another word.

Joan stared at the open doorway, her mouth agape, her feet remained rooted to the ground.

"She's lying," a voice said behind her.

Startled, she turned around and saw one of the guests from last night's party standing behind her. "What do you mean? Who are you?"

He smiled and said, "I'll be your witness." and walked away.

Months later, in court, he told the court a startling truth. Christine was the one who "stole" the necklace. She had loosened the clasp beforehand and had purposely knocked on to Joan during the party. The necklace then fell towards the ground and Christine promptly picked it up. True enough, a search in Christine's house led to the discovery of the necklace. Joan was found not guilty.

After the hearing, Joan and the man arrange to talk.

"Why did she want to frame me?" she asked, "We were good friends."

"She was jealous, Joan. The guy she was in love with loved another. She had hoped that by doing this, the guy would dump you for her."

"How did you know the truth?"

"I overheard her discussing her plans with her maid."

"Oh. And... who was that guy?"

"Me."'

there, a sappy, unbelievable love story. some parts are not quite well done. you know what i mean. anyway, its been so long since i last wrote a love story. this is my most unjuvenile (spelling?) love story to date. haha. not proud of it though. as i've said, some parts are not quite well done.


finally. my hands are tired. so next time you know. whenever you feel like stopping and you cant stop, just type in a essay. your hands willl go auto shutdown very fast.

hoho.

tata.


must be out of my mind.

mirror, mirror hanging on the wall,


four things people should know about me.

ONE: i disliked being told that i'm fat, whether in jest or in all seriousness. its one thing to call myself fat, its quite another to have someone call me fat. every girl think she's fat. fann wong think she's fat. but no girl would like someone to tell her, "eh, you're fat."

TWO: i have feelings too. just because i laugh and laugh and laugh and smile and smile and smile doesnt mean i aint capable of feeling hurt, angry, whatever.

THREE: i dont suan people about their figures in front of their faces. you could be stuck in taf forever and i will still tell you, "no lah. you're not fat." but of course, behind your back, i'd probably be discussing with others about your size. hypocritical? -snorts. its just a matter of saying the right words at the right time.

FOUR: i remember things.


you dont have to tell me, who's the biggest fool of all.

you've had a bad day,


thank heavens that the ioc session will soon be over.

because i'm very sick of the way people are behaving as though they are olympic experts just because the ioc session is held in singapore.

a guy told the straits times that he hoped london will win. why? oh, 'cause london hosted the olympics games before, so got experience.

hello? like paris wasnt a host of the olympics before.

and why on earth did the bid cities bring their celebrity sportsman here to push their bid? i doubt the ioc are that shallow to bid for the city which brings in the largest number of celebraties. and if they're trying to win the support of us, the singaporeans, then forget it. the only sports celebrity singaporeans are familiar with is that metrosexual asshole david beckham.

its a sad truth.

anyway, if they really must bring their sports celebrities, please bring someone who has participated in/related to the olympics. bring people like michael phelps, kelly holmes, cathy freeman, marion jones. why bring people like beckham? has he particpate in the olympics before?

a big fat no.

and he probably never will. the last time i checked, the scottish still doesnt like the english and neither does the welsh. for that matter, the english arent exactly loving the scottish and the welsh either.

and he still talks about participating in the 2012 olympics.

dumb blonde.

anyway, congrats to london for winning. though i'd prefer paris, thanks to their lovely bid slogan. for the love of the games. so sweet. i was rooting for new york also. sentimental favourite i guess. but, london will do just fine for me. after all, UK is my favourite country from the day i knew it existed. =)

and so, woe be onto the people who attacked london yesterday. may the shit be with you. go and die.


oh, and the gerrad saga is totally crap. in my opinion, he should just be allowed to leave. i mean, who do he think he is? one minute say one to leave, the other minute say want to stay. this is liverpool fc, not liverpool hotel.

and besides, i dont see whats so freaking good about him. whenever i see him, he's average. and its a known fact that we played better in the epl when he was injured. and hello? he caused us the league cup by scoring an own goal. he caused us (i believe) the fourth place by missing a penalty against totteham. inspirational captain? i dont think so.

but, lets cut him some slack, shall we? after all, anybody could have scored that own goal. anybody might have missed that penalty.

and thus, anybody might have scored that last goal against olympiakos. anybody might have scored that first goal against ac milan. for that matter, anybody might have scored all three goals against ac milan. imagine if that anybody is say, salif diao. are you telling me then that diao is inspirational? indepensible? please.


you're taking one down.

it's raining men,


i think our new school is infested with mosquitoes.

i've been nursing mosquitoes' bites since the term began.

by nursing, i mean scratching.

-scratch, -scratch, -scratch.

why is it that mosquitoes' bites are so. darn. itchy. ?

and why is it that everytime i scratch the mosquito bite, i have this sudden urge to scratch all over?

must have been a cat in my past life.

MEOW.

speaking of which, there are so many cats kittens at the area around our school. kind of refreshing. 'cause at my void deck area, there are only cats. full-grown adult cats. here, most of them are tiny little kittens. so cute. -pinches kitten's cheek (if they have one in the first place). too bad most of them are wild little things. run at the sight of humans. what's with cats and their conception that all humans are evil huh?

stupid cats.


Hallelujah.

i dont wanna be angry no more,


i feel sad for the singapore's society.

the middle-aged are rude, rude and rude.

while the youngsters are either a) failing their english b) acting cute or c) copying others.

let us address c) first, because its something close to my heart.

the thing is, i'm absolutely sure that when i first put, "mama's womb" in the hometown field in my friendster's profile, NOBODY in my friends' list have that. and my friends list havent change much since then. and what did i find while browsing through friendster pages yesterday? a "mummy's womb" in one of my friends' hometown field. to put it singlishly, "like that also want to copy." come on, how hard is it to come up with something completely different? like hometown: venus (men are from mars, women are from venus). hometown: heaven (blah blah blah was called Home by the Lord on blah blah blah). hometown: some hometown. the list goes on. so, why on earth did you have to copy mine?

i know, some of you out there might be going, "its just a stupid field that hardly anybody pays attention to. why do you have to kick up such a fuss?" simply because i cant stand people copying me. in the good old days of primary school, i used to fly into a temper whenever someone dares to change his/her 'a' to the same as mine.

i dont care if imitation is a form of flattery. its just plain annoying.


on to b).

in the past, whenever someone takes a picture, he/she just go flashes his/her pearly whites and snap! the picture is taken.

but now, its an entirely different story.

nowadays, people dont flash their pearly whites anymore. the only thing they're flashing is their lips. to make up for the lack of pearly whites however, they will, how do we put this, expand their eyes before the picture is taken.

the result? to me: a picture that screams act-cute! to others: (maybe) so-cute!

i really dont get the deal with that. is that lip-flashing considered a smile? i seriously doubt so. if you detest your pearly-white so much, kindly donate those to someone who is wearing dentures. and if you like big eyes, just go for a plastic surgery, damnit! spare me the torture of having to roll my eyes at your photo.

and a).

like we need any introduction.

i'm of course, refering to those wHo sImPLyyy caNnOttt tYpE iiiN pRoPeR eNgLiisHh dE.

come on, "de", "wor" & "le" belongs to the chinese dictionary. leave it out when you're typing english. please.

and please also do not attempt to add any extra alphabet to the existing ones. to you, it may seem cute, cool, whatever. to me, it seems stupid. and to the angmohs, its just, "holey moley! look, darling, look! singaporeans cant spell! there's hope for american education system!"

as if the singapore's reputation needs anymore soiling.

and the small letters, capital letters thing? again, to you, it may seem cute, cool whatever. but to me, it seems stupid. and to the angmohs, its just, "holey moley! my goodness gracious! look, honey, look! singaporeans cant differentiate between their capital letters and small letters too! the american education system is saved!"

as if the singapore's reputation needs anymore soiling.

another thing i cant stand? people using short forms. like typing a few extra alphabets will kill. one should only use short forms when you have already exceeded the word limit.

and the government thinks that our chinese standard is the only one that is falling (this sentence sounds funny. is it correct?) my foot.


anyway, i find it very amusing how people always assumed that the person i'm dissing about is them. like they are the only one i cant stand. -snorts.


and, will somebody out there be kind enough to send me the following songs:

my chemical romance's helena.
daniel powter's bad day.
missy elliot feat. ciara & fat joe (i think)'s lose control.
nelly's errtime (i think).

i will send you songs back in return. i'm a nice girl. hoho.


you do know i could never stand for this.

but you wont get to see the tears i cry,


friends.

to me, friends are like a double-edged sword.

and no, i'm not kidding.

because the fact is, they are.

oh sure, i love them.

oh sure, i enjoy being with them.

and i'm sure people out there love their friends and love being with their friends too.

but let us all admit it, there are days when we wish that they would simply just vanish into thin air.

ever had a moment when you are in the middle of a very nice daydream/song/book and are suddenly interrupted by your friend beside you?

or how about you wanting desperately to spend the whole ride to school listening to your song/reading your book/daydreaming but have to make conversation with the person travelling alongside you?

or how about you feeling the desperate need to be alone and there are people swarming all about you, vying for your attention?

or how about you not feeling particularly okay and people are there asking you, "are you okay?" like, hello? how am i supposed to answer that question? if i answer the truth, "no," would i be able to get away with it? there will definitely be follow-up questions, isnt it? and trust me, when you are not feeling particularly okay, the last thing you want to be caught doing is answering questions on "why are you not okay?" and so, i am being cornered into saying, "yes." and then, of course, another different lot of troubles await me. see, now that i am supposed to be okay, i am supposed to mingle. and HA, tell me, who in the right mind will want to mingle when they are in a not-okay mood? of course, one can always maintain a silence in response to a question. but what will happened? our friends will just feel hurt or think that we are just freaking plain rude. looks like there is no way out isnt it?

so, i was thinking, maybe its not so bad being a loner after all. in fact, being lonely could be a blessing in disguise. we can avoid the above situations and HO, lets face it, people, male or female, attract more attention when they're alone. if being a group attracts more attention for you, it can only mean a three things about your group: your group is either made up of a bunch of loud-voiced people, a bunch of giggling girls (-shudders) or a bunch of gays. and besides, all the "leads" in the tv shows today are all loners. peter parker is a loner. so is lucas scott. wolverine was a loner. the list goes on.

but, that said and done, i DO love my friends. i'm happy to know that they are there. and i'm grateful to God for them.


anyway, on to sporty issues now and words cant express my delight over the fact that maria sharapova is queen of centre court no more. but, man, the match was a torture to hear. the shrieks, grunts and stuff, -shudders. no wonder the audience bought ear plugs.

the fia sucks. if mclaren and gang are going to get banned or point deduction for punishment, i will curse the fia like there's no tomorrow. no wait, i'll save that for ferrari. and i dont mind fernando alonso and renault winning now. anybody but ferrari and the michael whatshisname.

speaking of fernando, i hope fernando torres stays in aletico madrid. even if he has to leave, please, i beg you, dont go chelsea. the same goes for michael owen.

anthony le tallec got his ear pierced. tragic.


and tagboard is back. you know the rules.


behind these hazel eyes.